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Raptor's Fan Fiction (Moar Story Ideas)

Discussion in 'Personal Projects' started by _Raptor_, Dec 10, 2013.

  1. _Raptor_

    _Raptor_ Trackmill Staff Mechanic

    Hey everyone. :3

    About a week ago, I got the strange, sudden urge to write a story. Well, it turned into a My Little Pony fan fiction. I usually wouldn't do such a thing, but I decided to try something different and out of my comfort zone. Anyhow, here it is:
    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9915464/1/Two-Halves

    The prolouge is the only thing I have published so far, but the first and second chapter should be up soon enough as they are already written, I just want to add more details. And I realize there is a giant cluster˚˚˚˚ typo thingy towards the beginning and some other errors, I'll fix it once I'm back on my computer.

    If you enjoy it I'd really appreciate if you dropped a comment here or on the article (or both.) Thanks for looking :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2014
  2. Freedo

    Freedo Administrator Administrator Staff Member Admin

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    >saw fanfiction
    >feared for the worst
    >my fears were confirmed
    >my little pony fanfiction
     
  3. _Raptor_

    _Raptor_ Trackmill Staff Mechanic

    Good thing no one's forcing you to read it or comment in this thread. *cough* *cough*

    :p
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2013
  4. trexmasterrace

    trexmasterrace Assembly Line Worker

    if i read too much english i get a headache but i skimmed through and it looks very vivid lots of detail
     
  5. c3b4me

    c3b4me Remember when this place was once was something? Piston

    check article
     
  6. Ailegy

    Ailegy Hugs :3 Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    noice. But I don't really feel the setting. If he's a pegasus and his wings are relatively unscathed couldn't he just fly away? Maybe use the wolf to create a distraction first. (oh god. I'm actually into this)
     
  7. The Pivoter

    The Pivoter TheOfficialPivotex Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Free Rider 2
    Well, I noticed there was a lot of swearing, for starters. And why make some MLP fanfiction anyway? you could do fanfiction for something more targeted towards an older demographic.

    Also, I'm writing my own story as well, mainly because all the anime I watch don't have good enough plot (No, Trippy Myst, not the anime plot bbobs).
     
  8. _Raptor_

    _Raptor_ Trackmill Staff Mechanic

    @trex
    Thanks : )

    @c3b4me
    Thanks for the comment. I'll be attempting to describe the surroundings more in the next chapters, but not too much because most people reading it already watch the show and know what things are like.

    @Trippy Myst
    Thanks, and I agree I could have described the setting more considering the prolouge is in a part of Equestria that I sort of made up. And as for the flying thing and the wolf, I kind of wanted to show that Lightbolt seems to have a special connection with the wolf so he doesn't leave him or use him. And flying would leave him very vulnerable as the wolf wouldn't be able to protect him while he was in the air.

    @The Pivoter
    Yes, there is some swearing because this story isn't for little kids. But I wouldn't consider there to be alot... there is only 3 curse words so far in 2000 words. And I chose to write about My Little Pony because the characters fit well with the plot I'm going for. And you know the huge amount of older people who watch the show, right?
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2013
  9. Ailegy

    Ailegy Hugs :3 Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    Yah. I couldn't name anyone under the age of 10 that watches My Little Pony while I've got My Little Pony: A very minty christmas on DVD (Still only watched it once, I'm not that addicted ;-) ).

    (also pivoter, why you watch animes with bad plots? I've barely seen any of those (apart from comedies). Do just watch whatever anime people are talking about at the time or do you actually search far and wide for a good anime like me?).

    And while we're on the topic, I'd just like to say that I got an Excellence (Grade A for you americans out there) on my Creative Writing which was a fan-fiction about SAW
     
  10. _Raptor_

    _Raptor_ Trackmill Staff Mechanic

    Last edited: Dec 12, 2013
  11. Ailegy

    Ailegy Hugs :3 Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    'Said a voice. Said voice belonged to...' lol. this.

    Otherwise it was an okay chapter. Good character traits are shown throughout (which I find pretty hard to do sometimes). But it was pretty short. Good novels usually have a slight cliffhanger at the end of every chapter. Before a chapter can end something must happen that keeps the reader interested.
     
  12. The Pivoter

    The Pivoter TheOfficialPivotex Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Free Rider 2
    No, I didn't know many older people watched My Little Pony.
    I didn't even know there were lots of adult or teenage bronies.
    Depends. I usually try to read the description of the anime, get to know it a little bit before I watch it. Also, by bad plots, I mean you never get to see the dude and the chick have a hot relationship, except for in Mirai Nikki and Clannad.

    However, I don't watch animes like SnK or SAO. Dunno why, but they don't appeal to me that much.

    I said bad plots and set it at a very high standard, as in not perfect.
    If you know what I mean.

    You get excellence in New Zealand?
    Is this for normal school grades or extra co curricular thingamajiggies?

    And I got A+ for this nearly 10 000 word short story I wrote for my English assignment. I believe I have put it up here before, but taken it down for privacy reasons.
     
  13. _Raptor_

    _Raptor_ Trackmill Staff Mechanic

    Yeah, that sentence is worded a bit weird. :p

    And I totally agree with you on the "cliffhangers." They'll be plenty coming up as the plot develops.
     
  14. Ailegy

    Ailegy Hugs :3 Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    Mirai Nikki? Yuno and Yuki's relationship was terrible until the last 6 or so episodes. And then they just have underage sex for no good reason. And then Yuno tries to kill Yuki. I don't want to hear of you're idea of a good relationship but that should not be it.

    My story was for an english assignment. It was extremely short and I had it finished within a hour (even though we had a whole term to do it). Still got the highest grade in my class :D Don't know why.

    I was writing a better story before that. And I may continue with it thanks to Raptor (thx Raptor I :heart: you). But it's not a fan fiction and I don't have an idea of where it's going. I was writing it the same why I produce music, by starting with an idea in my head and letting it expand while getting pelted at by more ideas until it becomes a mass of ideas that somehow end up making sense.
    Looking forward to it. Also I just remembered: How did the Pegasus and the wolf get to ponyville? Last time I checked they hadn't found a way to escape. Are you going to explain that later?
     
  15. The Pivoter

    The Pivoter TheOfficialPivotex Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Free Rider 2
    Probs because Yuno is a cray cray girl and because Yuki needed to know something from Yuno, and he resorted to underage sex.

    Your story for Engrish assignment? Well, I guess you are older than me, old enough to get those excellence awards the seniors in high school get.

    I have this story based off Guilty Crown kinda, except it ends in a utopia.
     
  16. Ailegy

    Ailegy Hugs :3 Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    Wow. You finally admitted you're a kid that is 14 years or younger. Never thought I'd see the day
     
  17. The Pivoter

    The Pivoter TheOfficialPivotex Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Free Rider 2
    Why not? I mean, time is passing on, and I guess everybody should know who I am in real life soon.
     
  18. _Raptor_

    _Raptor_ Trackmill Staff Mechanic

    Next chapter is up now! Check it out:
    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9915464/3/Two-Halves
    They didn't have anyone (or anypony, whatever) attack them on their venture to ponyville, so they made it there fine by walking. The last part of the prologue wasn't really descriptive, sorry about that, but I needed to wrap it up because it was getting really long (prologues are usually very short.)
     
  19. Ailegy

    Ailegy Hugs :3 Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Cat Ninja
    Does that mean you'll finally give out your name? Not that anyone cares but you sure don't like handing it out (but you might as well of -_- , I found it easily enough, and by accident too)

    EDIT: Oh sorry Raptor, forgot to comment. The new chapter is nice. Hopefully you don't go to overboard with it though, I don't think I'd like that kind of novel -_-
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2013
  20. The Pivoter

    The Pivoter TheOfficialPivotex Mechanic

    Favorite Game:
    Free Rider 2
    I can't wait till I become 18. -.-
    Or 16, that is the age of consent here.
     
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2013

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